And the rabbits have gone ahead to 2023!
I am lingering, trailing, still in the twilight of 2022, enjoying the warm glow and basking in the goodness that marked most of this year. With each year that passes, I find myself more reluctant to move quickly. Savoring each present moment and staying behind has become my favorite activity. I genuinely revel in the lush feelings that well up, sometimes bursting its banks. Nostalgia, tears, joy, I love them all.
I was sensitive, expressive, and described to be too emotional growing up. I would tear up watching moving news or soaps with my grandmother. Possessed a penchant for unrealistic ideals at changing the world. Often, I was the only one in the room who found reason to dwell on emotions, repeating rousing manifestos and allowing them to wash over me.
Over time, being emotionally sensitive became a liability. I was too easy to see through. Easily swayed by my heart, my brain was not as fast on the uptake to inhibit my theatrical reactions. At work and in life, numbing and trivializing feelings became convenient, even an excellent strategy to combat indecisiveness, enable focused task devotion. Emotions aside, decisions and actions became easily calculated, rational, achievable…finally!
Alas, this pragmatic period was not to last. What was me triumphed short-lived efforts at being consistent, logical, and coherent. My pounding heart, which pulsates violently, doubled down to inform me of its aching presence. And how badly it ought to be listened to again. I missed the delight of dreams forgotten. The fight between my vivacious right brain that tumults vs. illustrious left brain who wants a quick move-on (to the next goal) was epic.
Many of my clients relate to me a similar story. They struggle to command and control their emotions, especially those that niggle, stay, and affect their ability to be objective. I figured this need not be a zero-sum game. Win-win can exist.
I must contend with my intense emotions and insatiable right brain being the senior partner. For others, they may try different permutations to achieve balance. It is imperative not to ignore irrational feelings as they tend to run our lives whether we admit it or not. And the more negative and confronting the emotion, the more we need to have coffee with it and not shut the door. Strong feelings often hold treasure stories from the past that possess curative powers for our future.
In the same breath, welcome positive ones like joy, tenderness, and love despite them making us feel all mushy and vulnerable. Being overwhelmed can renew our spirits, open new paths, jolt our hearts into rhapsody. Without this plethora of opposing emotions, hurts cannot be healed, the depth of our soul not understood, life not fully lived.
Lucky for me, I have the safety of my art process to retreat to, to be as emotional, long winded, and sensitive as I wish. For others, it’s music, cooking, watching soaps or other expressive activities that get them in touch with the wild side. Permission is given for emotions to linger.
As I relish 2022 and slowly make my way into 2023, I wish for bigger dreams, hairier creative adventures and unavoidable melodramatic emotions. Being present with these makes me feel alive – always hoping, thriving, and inspired. Unlimited by what may seem at first glance impossible.
I wish all of you a peaceful and contemplative close to 2022. And a most exciting new year ahead in 2023, with many dreams abound!
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